Christmas Time

This year's christmas was quite normal. Maybe it's because I'm still serving my national service, so in the back of my head there's always the nagging thought of army related stuff. Can't really enjoy and immerse myself into the festive mood. But nonetheless it is still one of the high points of the year 2007, because i'm only 4 pay days away from my ord haha.

This may look like it's at some resort..

But it's actually my front porch

My mama did everything, well I help arranged the chairs :)

One of the side tables

The 'kids' table

Buffet spread waiting to be served

Putting the finishing touches to the Christmas tree..

All the presents in, ready to start our Christmas Eve party



Cousins

Shy Ethan who promptly went and hid in my room after eating



Everyone seems intriqued by the head massager





25 years old..... 20 years ago haha. Ageing gracefully



Everyone's favourite event - Opening presents time









Christmas Day Service



My favourite girl

Evelyn has been the only person who has given me a Christmas card without fail EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS. Whether or not we see each other frequently, chat or meet up, she has never failed to be one of my bestest friends. This year, we have probably spoken about 20 sentences between us, with her being in Aussie for studies. Last year I got 20 over cards. This year? Just 2, from her and Nicole. Know what's a great friend? I do. =)

Merry Christmas & Happy 2008! God bless!!!

Bryan Shifts Upstairs

I was supposed to be back in camp last night, but because of the 'bruising' encounter with the chinese sinseh last friday, my right ankle looks like a luohan fish, and last night I visited the ang moh doctor for muscle relaxant and painkillers. Along with the weekend consultation fee was of course an MC for the following day.

Spent the day doing pretty much nothing until I decided that my room has too much junk and too little space. This began the process of shifting the entire contents of my room to the attic. My mum saw me packing my room and got the maid to help me. Managed to get most of my room less my study desk and wardrobe up through the tiny door and stairwell.

It's nice to be up here, almost like my very own studio apartment. Looking forward to having a wonderful Christmas this season. Can't be bothered to be bothered by army stuff. It's gonna be over in four months, so why worry and fret? Guard duty? Do lor, got four more months to tekan only mah, just suck it up lor. Very little or no nights off? Never mind lor, in four months every night is a nights off.

Time to go bathe, have my dinner and medicine and prepare to go to camp. Will be out on friday afternoon. :p


My mum is gonna convert my old room into a study room or guest room


The staircase leading to the attic, my new space


View from the staircase leading up


Stairway to heaven? Not quite but good enough for me :)


On the left, my den with a sofa, carpet and tv


The den, with wires and pillows everywhere




The bedroom

On The Verge

Ever since returning to Hendon Camp upon the completion of my GPMG Commander Course at Pasir Laba Camp, things hasn't been as rosy. Firstly, I am on long-term medical status, which means I can't participate in most activities in camp. Secondly, the next few months is the most busy period for commandos and yet here I am doing nothing everyday.

My peers are slogging it out in the field and I am in the comfort of my bed in my air-con bunk - yes you read correctly, my commando bunk has TWO air-cons - and I am travelling weekly to Selarang Physiotheraphy Centre and Tan Tock Seng Hospital. The sucky part is of course this being a weekly affair, I am in and out of camp at certain points of the day. People see they of course buay song, they feel why they are suffering and here I am booking out.

That one I still can accept because if it was me looking on at someone else in my predicament, I would probably stir his shit as well. But now, the company HQ are having doubts about the authencity of my medical appointments and physio session. This is simply outrageous. My f***ing CSM demands to see my appointment card everytime now and just now, I buay tahan and I really gave him a piece of my mind.

Ya talking back to your sergeant major is not the best thing to do, especially when there are a lot of problems now with the guard duty roster. But being a sergeant of the company, the least he can do is trust me. No basic trust, no mutual respect. And how am I suppose to continue in this unit if my superiors doesn't have confidence in me?

I have no doubt about my ability as a soldier, and with adequate training, I can be as fit as anyone else once again. The thing is, am I still given a chance to carry on with my rehabilitation without hindrance so as to ensure a speedy and full recovery as soon as possible so I can join back and contribute?

Don't believe all that bullshit about commandos are a tightly-bounded fratenity. Balls. They are your brothers as long as you are fit and healthy. The moment you fall down, they can't wait to see the back of you. I have seen too many people already being cut and having their red berets revoked. My OC even told me he can't keep me in the company for too long if I can't contribute because I am eating into the budget.

Wtf right. Just because I can't contribute physically for the next couple of months, all my hard work for the past 1 and a half years are being threatened to be erased from the memory of Bravo Coy 07/06, 2nd Coy 07/08. Incredulous, so those boys out there who think that joining commando for ur NS is gonna be fun, think again.

For Honour & Glory? My a**.

I've just booked out from camp. School of Infantry Weapons so nice, saturday public holiday and we get an off day tomorrow, friday. This is something unheard of in my own unit. Ha, I guess the instructors in the school also wants a long weekend. The best place to be as an army regular is definitely in training schools and institutes. Can go home everyday unless there's outfield of live firing.

Wondering if I should go book my physio again, but I really need to see the doc again and get him to give me a referral for MRI. My ankle is acting up again, now even walking hurts. This is becoming worrying. I just hope it's because my body is not used to going outfield again this week.

Yesterday evening in bunk my friends were having a debate on religion. I've got this friend, B, who likes this very attractive girl, let's call her S. S is a very innocent girl and a very pious and devout Christian. B likes her and wants to be with her very much. But the thing is, he is not a Christian and S told him she cannot be with a non-Christian as much as she likes him.

My friend B then sort of complained to my bunkmates about this, questioning why can't a Christian be with the person they very much like or love. I was sitting in a corner reading my newspaper when they turned to me and asked," Eh Bryan, you're a Christian right?" And that got me dragged into the whole debate.

I may not have been around church for a while but I am a Christian through and through and defending Christ in the face of persecution is something I would not think twice about. A debate about the different religions became a mini attack on my beliefs and fending off accusations and questions and statements that Christianity is very hard to comprehend spent me.

In the end, I told them nicely but firmly that they are looking at Christianity from the outside, and to truly understand how Christians can devote and sacrifice so much of themselves, they need to experience it firsthand. I also told them something that Pastor David once said a long time ago. Christians are not angels or holier than thou beings. They are in fact people who recognize that they are shit without God and thus the church is a place full of shit and shitty people.

I told my friends that being a Christian is a very difficult life to live at times and is a constant struggle, but at the end of it, all the sacrifices are worthwhile and it is with the end in mind that gives us the strength to go on.

Having said that, I recognize that right now I am unable to give up certain worldly ideals and possessions. It is a continual struggle between spirit and flesh, and I have to say honestly that the flesh currently has the upper hand. I'm not someone who believes in the Chinese idiom "the boat will straighten naturally when it reaches the bridge". Proactive action has to be taken to correct the incorrect.

It is a mighty task, but having defended my Lord yesterday, albeit a tiny debate, it reminded me once again of who I really am ultimately: an ugly, ugly person who only God finds beautiful despite all my imperfections.

And before I forget, here's a very Happy Happy Birthday to a very special friend of mine. =)






HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE TAY:p

These few months I have been looking really hard at life and so far I find myself with more questions rather than answers. Firstly, what is the real purpose of going to church? Does the act of going to church means I am a holier person than someone who does not?

Is someone who attends service faithfully every single week but spends the entire time chatting, playing, disturbing people next to them while the pastor is preaching or during altar call a better disciple of God than one who does not? Do people ask others to come just because they wanna keep an eye on them? Is that the real purpose?

So long as u see my face on saturday evening means im praying regularly, on the other 6 days of the week my life is perfect and everything is nice and dandy? I used to think that everyone is imperfect and though the way they put things across is not so nice to some, their intentions are really sincere and pure. But I have questions now.

I am not slamming anyone here. I am merely asking questions that have been burning in my heart. I have seen how selfish people really are. Yes, you can survive in this world without God, but without God, life is so much harder to live. That I can vouch for. The truth is we are called to be dependent on God, but not to the point where we cannot function as proper people with responsibilities.

When God tested Job, if Job was 100% reliant on God, he wouldnt have been able to survive, because during that time, he was on his own.

People tend to think that just because someone has not been coming to church regularly means that person has some problem or has become wayward. That is because they do not have faith in these people. They don't believe what they don't see. So because they have not been going to church, others don't believe that they're ok.

I can be a good example of that. Most of my close friends know that I'm doing fine and I'm just tired of NS, can't wait to get out. I see them every week, talk to them every other day on the phone, MSN etc etc. Hey, I just had brunch with Samski and saw Nicole, her mum and her two adorable little sisters today. Just because some people do not see me they think I got something wrong.

Some people have been on sabbatical from their service. Everyone has issues in their lives. How you deal with it is up to you, and because you know yourself best, and if you don't, God knows. It is better sometimes to take a break so that you can take a step back from what you're so engrossed in doing and look at the bigger picture.

Saying all these, I want to reaffirm my faith in God, in Christ Jesus, and I want everyone to know that I am proud to have a God who has been so faithful to me despite my insecurities, despite my questions, despite my selfishness and stubborn nature.

I will be back in church sooner rather than later, I have tasted God's goodness for the past few years and in the recent months that have gone by, I have tasted the bitterness of this temporal world. In the end, there is only one way to truly enjoy life. It is through sharing the love of Jesus with those that you love, because having experience His goodness, it is only natural that you want those you care about to experience it for themselves.

I've been burnt out, I've been shagged out, I've KOed. Recovery takes time, and I'll take as long as it needs to recover properly, I won't rush anything. And I can't do this alone. I don't need veiled criticisms that attempt to instigate me to a reaction. I need prayer, and I need love. If you can help me out with that, I would be eternally grateful.

Bryan will always be Bryan. The same Bryan that asked Jesus to come into his life one fine december noon, sitting on the steps of the church social hall 8 years ago. I know I would have grew up to be a horrible person had it not been for God who sent an angel and rescued me. I am forever indebted, and I will willingly serve my Lord with all that I am.

Bryan is currently attending the 156/07 Active GPMG Commanders' Course at School of Infantry Weapons

And what a week it has been at SIW, Pasir Laba Camp. Four nights off in the week and a Friday bookout at 1800 hours. Life in the infantry seems so.... tempting. Welfare is key. The course commander is a cannot make it warrant officer, the course warrant is a very nice Malay master sergeant who seems eager to please, and the fellow trainees are all nice people, be it 2SIR, 3SIR, 6SIR, 1 Guards, 3 Guards, even Navy. Just that one irritating staff sergeant from OCS.

For Pete's sake, you are a fellow trainee just like us, not an instructor. This is not OCS, we are not officer cadet trainees, so please stop shouting at us, asking us if we're not interested. Some people just make it so easy to be public enemy no. 1. Anyway, the course itself is not anything new, given I've learned the GPMG during my leader course. But that is not to say I am a master of it. Quite far off la. I am such a slacker and I think I performed one of the worst during the technical handling test.

I'll be there until 16 Oct. It'll be back to Hendon Camp and straightaway it'll be either continuous guard duty again or standby duty, confined in camp. :( I do ask myself sometimes, besides the pride in being a commando, what else is there? Is it really worth going through so much more than my peers just for that 1 second where people go 'wah, commando sia'? The more I think of it, the more I think it ain't worth it. I am a conscript soldier, I didn't choose to be a soldier. So you can't blame me for thinking like a civilian trapped in the military. If they increase my pay by 100% then maybe I won't be complaining haha.

Anyway, ORD is coming soon la. Just 7 more months, slightly more than a semester to go thinking in school terms. This Wednesday's payday, many guys in Singapore would be smiling..

The Way I Are

It has been a busy busy few weeks, and even more so this two months. I have just finished my involvement in the Army Open House. It was a fun experience, talking to the public and getting kids to sit in front with me as the vehicle commander, and the best part is my OC letting us stay out, much like reporting for work in the morning and going back after that. Think that is the way to work, everyone happy and morale high, productivity go up also.

After that, we were given off days for the weekend burnt and straightaway after my off I was attached to NCC for their senior specialist course. So so boring! Watching all these sec 3 kids marching and giving commands around the parade square the whole day. Super duper sian. Now I'm gonna go book in later. And I'll only book out on 28 Sept! Kena two consecutive weeks of standby duty. Confined to barracks, cannot nights off, cannot book out, cannot go out of 3km radius. Sian.

Yesterday night had a last min clubbing session. Melvyn Mong jio me go, so I of course brother la, go with him. Didn't regret. Bumped into my army friends there and after I left early, they went for supper together! Haha wth. And I just spent a small fortune on cooking books. After watching that rat cartoon and No Reservations, I've decided im gonna be a chef! Haha, two weeks in camp doing nothing, lots of time to read and learn.

Yesterday night I went to church and though some people came up to me and said they've not seen me in a while, I also notice I'm not the only one people are not seeing in a while. Some of my good friends are missing too. :( When I'm freer, really gotta gather them and have a good meal together. As we grow older things change. The sad reality of life.

I can't even be bothered to type coherently now. Whatever. I pierced my ear too. I don't see why not so don't even start. 8 more months to freedom.


Commandos from 2nd Coy at the AOH '07


We fight for the same country - Red & Black Berets


Better be thankful, I wore a parahute to take photo :p

To all NYP MK0304 mates, the Army Open House will be held from 30 Aug to 3 Sep at SAFTI Military Institute/Pasir Laba Camp. For the first time since we enlisted, the five jokers will be together at the same place for 5 days. Do come down and visit because it would be fun.

I'll be a vehicle guide for the ride in this attraction called Missions World, where the public will sit in an army 5-ton truck and view the various army units fighting a mission. Armour tanks would be firing, combat engineers laying their bridges, guardsmen rappelling from helicopters etc.

I may not be a fan or advocate of conscription, but this army open house will showcase what the SAF is best at: deterrence. This AOH is also somewhat of an eye-opener for me too. The past year in NS has been all about whacking and whacking and whacking the enemy and then disappear. That is the bread and butter of special forces.

So it will be something new to me too to see how the various units in the army work and coordinate their plans e.g. Armour clearing the battlefield first, Artillery shelling the area, Guards securing the seized territory, Signals and Combat Service Support providing essential services... It will be interesting.

I've been given a super long weekend, lasting from last friday night till tonight. This is because of the AOH, which will burn my weekend two weeks from now. I went swimming, shopping, eating, chilling at home, watching tv.. Oh man, the life. It's drawing nearer and nearer and nearer.

I dunno which will come first, global recession or my ORD? I'm contemplating saving my money the old-fashioned way, in a piggy bank. DUn wanna risk the bank closing down on me.

Combat shoot is finally over. The whole process is so long and with all the reshoots, we only reached camp around 2.30am Sat morning. Because of this combat shoot, I had to book in early on National Day, and book out on Sat morning. I don't understand why they must keep us in camp for that few hours. We aren't gonna get any proper sleep anyway.

Just let us go home after the whole thing la. So silly, let us book out at 7am when they could release us at 3.30am. But of course that is my personal opinion. Maybe there are those who would rather wait for the first bus. I am counting down the days to my ORD, and I really really can't wait. It seems so far!

Yesterday while shopping alone at CitiLink, I bumped into Fabien and Nicole. He has become very funky with long hair and muscular arms, and Nicole is simply, wow. Heh they were on their way to attend some UK talk as both of them will be going there to study in Sept.

Everyone is living interesting lives, lives that they can choose to live freely. I feel like a prisoner. I am losing my motivation. At first I told myself this is for the defence of the country. But as time goes by, it doesnt seem to be so. It seems like my 2 years in the 21 time best combat unit is just to win, to be no. 1 and to aim to get 22 times BCU. Obsessed is the word.

Oh well, another week in camp beckons.Just 30 plus more weeks to freedom. 30 plus more bookouts.

On another note, yesterday I went to Pitstop with some of the Charis Youth, or rather, TACS. My goodness I feel so old la. Hearing them complaining that the 8 bucks fee is too expensive is quite amusing. I was once like that, surviving on 20 dollars a week. Had a chat with Pastor Gideon at a coffeeshop nearby while the rest were playing.

Well, firstly I do not have any problems, so this is my personal plea to everyone to stop assuming that I am facing some crisis in my life or that I am living on my own. I am at home on Sundays and it's just that I go out and play very late on saturday nights. So whoever that I confided in stuff, please don't go around telling the whole world. You know who you people are.

Conclusion: I am very much alive and well and OKAY. Just that my time is super duper short and maybe I dont sleep at home on some bookouts but that's just because Im out watching a midnight show or soccer at my friend's place or whatever. If I weren't in the army, I would be home every single day and night.

Anyway, it's a sat bookout again this week. So much for end of trainee life and senior company soldiers. Bluff.

I have been thinking more and more recently, about why my unit always does crazy stuff. They plan unarmed combat for us for four weeks, and during this time, we need to make two parachute jumps with combat equipment. On Friday, I did my second combat equipment jump and fifth parachute jump overall with the SAF. Several of my friends did not make the jump and remained in camp, citing various physical discomfort. Eventually, a few were taken to Changi General Hospital for X-rays to check for any bone fractures.

The previous day, Thursday, we had contact sparring during UC. Though the PTI said it was supposed to be light contact, it was anything but. Full blooded bouts took place, people had the wind kicked out of them, punches flew wild and free, and I took one myself full in the face. Thankfully my sparring partner wore gloves if not he would have broken my nose.

Having high risk activities back-to-back seems crazy to me. My ankle is hurting, and it is my old injury from my parachute jump in January. The jump on Friday was freaky, the wind was so strong the moment I jumped out the aircraft I was in a Superman position, body parallel to the ground. By the time I managed to gain control of my canopy, I have already fallen some 500 feet. With the ground rushing up towards me like really really fast, I panicked and fumbled with releasing my equipment.

I saw the ground coming up and I prepared for a really hard landing... Upon impact I pushed turned and rolled over and surprisingly it was a very soft landing - I landed in a pool of mud. Great. And to make a good landing great, my canopy did not collapse and caught wind. Just when I stood up I was pulled forward by the wind and got dragged about 10 metres on muddy ground. Arrgh.

But it was a good jump, a safe one so thank God for that. It's gonna be a busy few weeks, I just wish there wasnt any guard duty. What now with only five third sergeants in my company, and only three deployable as Guard Com, with the others being promoted to second sergeant, I am sure there will be many more weekends burned.

I hate guard duty!!!

When my next pay comes in this week, I am gonna do some serious shopping. First on the list is a new pair of shoes. Somehow I always wear shoes until they have holes in them. That will really top the priority list. And I'm still considering whether an iPod will be a good investment. And clothes! I've been dragged into countless Zara and Topshop outlets to become a fan of their merchandise. Pull & Bear too. :)

Now I know why girls simply love shopping. It really makes your heart smile.




The smiles would be brighter and wider on 6 May next year :)

SAF Day Parade Guard-of-Honour Contingent

Create your own Friend Test here

I Am A Leader, Follow Me!

It was yet another week of hard manual labour in camp this week. We had to clear the whole old company line of all the beds, mattresses, cupboards, fans, fridge (?!) and all sorts of junk. By the later part of the moving process, people were simply throwing cupboards down the staircase, so maybe we did the contractors a favour by partly demolishing the stairwell. That's commando nature for you - destructive.

Besides being like bangla workers after office hours, we had to go for airborne training with combat equipment. This time I am very very very sure that I will not think twice or hesitate about jumping out the aircraft. The freaking equipment and rifle is so heavy I was seriously worried that my back would just snap any moment during training. Even if I land on the tarmac again I would not complain. I would be happy just to get the bloody load off me.

This week I also met Luke and Clarence in camp. They were back for reservist training. I never knew Luke was a commando medic, and the impressive collection of cars on parked at the reservist car park could very well form a car show on its own. The Beemers, Dodge, WRXes and all that.

I had lunch with Clarence at the cookhouse yesterday and he was happily flashing his pink i/c in front of me. :-/ And he can go for lunch in t-shirt and shorts. My time will come.

And on top of my 3 x extra duties, I now have to clear all the rubbish in company line every morning and evening and wash the toilet for the whole week, myself. That is punishment for leaving camp for nights off without waiting for the DO to clear arms. My 2IC was so furious he gathered all the leaders and gave me a good dressing down.

"If you are a man, never mind I can excuse your ignorance. But you are a f***ing leader!", he screamed at me. I really thought I was never gonna book out again. Now my 2IC is a really nice guy, a captain at the age of 27 and a US Ranger. This is the first time he lost his cool ever since becoming 2IC.

After that, when everyone else went for nights off, my CSM talked to me and thereafter I went to apologise to my 2IC. He talked to me nicely and explained certain things and reminded me again that I am a leader.

So despite whatever personal problems I have, I still must act professionally and responsibly. Now I must write out and memorise the Leaders' Creed. It's tough being a sergeant, sandwiched in between the men and the officers' corps. But I will do my best to fulfil what is expected and befitting of a leader.

Leading by example, I will accompolish all my assigned tasks to the best of my ability. I am a leader by choice and by vocation. I will lead by example

Endurance will be the hallmark of my leadership. I will place my mission as paramount importance and I will not rest until I have completed my mission

Aggresively will I tackle all problems. I will never let my commanders and men down, for they rely on me to discharge my duties

Duty is my maxim. I will always be true to my responsibilities. I will never shun the hardest work nor will I avoid the dullest task. I will display the selfsame energy to all tasks at hand

Effectively will I lead my men in battle and in peace. I am responsible for their welfare and will demand for standards both in training and in combat

Resolutely will I honour the trust bestowed upon me. I will use my initiative. I will apply my dare and skill. I will not fail. I am a LEADER. FOLLOW ME!

Hurt By The Arrow

Today's the last day of my week-long block leave. It has been just wonderful not wearing the no. 4 uniform or PT Kit with 'ARMY' emblazoned across your t-shirt. It is simply relaxing and happy to be out and about doing my own stuff again. I'm not saying army is bad, hey, I've got good friends who are regulars, and to a certain extent you are well taken care of inside, but I'm just not someone who is, and will probably never be used to a regimental lifestyle, being told every hour of the day what to do.

I've been very tolerant and putting up with sh*t from some people and yesterday, 7 July marks my one year in national service. I had a plan of what to do for the whole week of my block leave, but sad to say, some things didn't turn out as expected, some unexpected things happened and everything has been topsy-turvy. Suddenly I am home on a Sunday afternoon at 1.30pm, alone with no one to talk to, no one to have lunch with, just no one.

I dunno how things became like that, but it has already happened. I tried going back to my old sunday routine, playing football in the late afternoon, but so many thoughts just filled my mind that I wasn't interested in kicking any ball, though there was one bugger who was very interested at kicking my feet throughout the whole game.

I feel like I'm losing interest in everything, losing my sense of purpose and direction. What do I do? I miss you...

Hello Once Again

I know some of my friends may had a little surprise when they entered my blog URL and discovered that my blog ceased to exist. Well, for those who know, I spent a lot of effort doing up my template and having to delete the whole thing was painful. Yup, but I didn't really had a choice. Please note, I said didn't really had, not don't have. I must be really careful with what I post nowadays.

The story goes like this, apparently some bugger uploaded onto Youtube my whole Red Beret presentation parade, and after tracking it down to someone's girfriend, they discovered that she had uploaded in her previous post many weapon systems that the Commandos use. They, the powers that be, then decided to search online for more such 'security breaches'.

Well, somehow, I dunno how, they found my blog and my entries and pictures of my time in a disputed island in the South China Sea that famous people such as Jolin and Jay call home was a big no-no to them. So one night in camp I was called into the OC's office and was asked if I was the one who uploaded the video. I said," No sir, I have never uploaded anything in Youtube."

He replied," Are you sure?"

In my head I was thinking, what the hell kind of question is that? Of course I'm sure of what I do. After I told him, yes sir I am very sure he said," Okay i believe you. You can go now. I then asked," Sir, what makes you think it's me?"

He answered," Nothing, just random questioning."

My goodness, I can't stand it when people bullsh*t me. 15 minutes later, I was hauled up to my CSM's office. He told me that my blog, along with the pictures I uploaded was discovered. He led me down into his car and told me to get in.

"Sir, where are we going?", I asked.

"Don't worry la, I'm not bringing you to the police station", he replied.

My CSM is really kind-hearted soul and that helped to ease my anxiety and lightened up the mood a bit. He drove us to another building within camp and I was brought into a room with several computer terminals. There the OC told me to go to my blog and remove the entries. I didnt know which entries had pictures that were deemed a 'security breach', thus I hit on the Delete Blog button.

Oh well, just too bad I guess. My entries from 2002 until now are gone, but maybe it's time for a fresh start anyway. When I came home just now, I found my diary among a pile of thrash in the porch, ready to be thrown. Throwing it away is one thing, but the person who found it surely must have read the contents. Great, more secrets exposed.

Anyway, tmr is Mambo. Anyone keen to join me, Ethan and Tim please let us know. :)